"You must definitely stop using it. It will only get worse"
I asked if she could recommend another product but the answer was: "Sorry no. They all contain the same ingredient".
Thinking I might just put up with the itching, I Googled paraphenylenediamine. Oh boy! No way! (swell pictures!)
What we're actually talking about here, if you'd not already guessed, is the colour (or lack thereof) of my beard. I've been dyeing it for years!
I can't honestly say I'm ready for the "Father Christmas " look - but then, "Elephant Man" isn't that appealing a prospect either! So I bit the bullet, grabbed a razor and for the first time in forty-odd years my chin saw the light of day.
I was sixteen when I first started cultivating the facial fuzz, although it would be true to say several years went by before anyone else knew anything about it!
Anyway, never mind Santa and the Elephant Man, the fact is: I might just as well have been the Invisible Man all this time. The beard came off and nobody bloody well noticed! It took Isaac and Jordan all of a day to realise and my mother didn't bat an eyelid and still hasn't noticed several days later!
It reminded me of years ago when sported a big bushy beard. One hot summer I was really tempted to shave it off but instead took it down to little more than "designer stubble". I bumped into a neighbour who I'd seen almost daily and had known for years, only to be greeted with "Oh Chris, You're growing a beard!"
Anyway, this time the only person who immediately realized I'd had a facial Brazilian was Jayne. Snag is she didn't like it. Said my neck looked all wrinkly.
So the choice now was three-way: Father Christmas, the Elephant Man, or a bloody Tortoise!
We're back to designer stubble just now - albeit white designer stubble. It doesn't hide the jowls of course. At the moment we are at the stage which I suppose could be best described as a would-be Santa auditioning for a part in the opening titles of "One Foot in the Grave".
Having said all that, no-one else has so much as even commented - so I'm still invisible.
Maybe the "Elephant Man" look has something going for it after all!
